Save the first installment, updates to Greazy's Gear Guide are few and far between. But as the summer approaches, and I think of things that annoy me when I'm in the streets of Philly, I feel the need to educate my brothers and sisters.
Black people, if you thought wallet chains were lame in high school, then they still are. They belong with one group of people: hard-core rockers. A wallet chain is not suddenly hiphop jus cuz DipSet and Lil Wayne started rocking them. Let's be serious here folks. What is your wallet chain even connected to? I've yet to see one person connect his or her wallet chain to an actual wallet, which is what the durn chain is meant for anyway. I don't care how much you paid for it or how many skulls are on it. I don't care that you think it matches your extra slim fit skull and crossbones thermal undershirt that you've decided to wear with your mathcing skull and crossbones belt with rubies in the eyes of the skulls. Take it all off (no homo). You look ridiculous. In a couple years you're gonna look at that picture of you with 4 wallet chains and think "Why in the name of all that's holy did I dress like that?"
So for those of you who were thinking about going to that stand that sells wallet chains and belts that light up, I hope this will dissuade you. Some trends were never meant to be followed. If I see you wearing a wallet chain, I'm gonna think you're lame. And that will be because you are.
Now ladies, when, where, how, why did weave and wigs become such a fashion staple for black women? I mean what ever happened to taking care of your real ("My hair is real!" "Shush. It doesn't grow out ur cot durn scalp, woman") hair. I mean really, it's the friggin status quo to go to the hair dresser bald and come out with a head full of hair cut from Chun Li, a Chinese immigrant girl who makes her way through the world fighting in streets among the likes of metrosexual Spaniards and Mike Tyson wannabes. Whatever happend to a perm? A press and curl? Do hair dressers even know how to do that anymore or is it like the 8-track player? "Come in, sit down, and lemme stick this suction cup on ur head so I can needle-and-thread 9 inches of jet-black stringy hair that makes even ur baby hairs look nappy. And yeah, I'ma style it and give you bangs too." Bangs? Weave bangs? I mean, you didn't even have enough healthy hair to pull off bangs? Yes, I know, we've never seen how much hair Beyonce really has, but it's Beyonce, and as long as Jay's happy, she can get as much million dollar weave as she wants. Last time I checked, none of you were her. (Correct me if I'm wrong tho.)
Despite what most would assume, I would much rather see a woman who took care of the hair growing out her scalp--short or long--than a woman who's funding communism by spending her child support checks on Chinese hair or, worse yet, wigs, instead of buying some formula for her baby. No, it doesn't have to be bone straight. It just has to be healthy. Nothing worse than a woman with a fresh 'do and a spoiled everything else. Where are your priorities?
Now that I've got that off my chest, on to some things for the summer. Fellas, a few must-haves:
White shoes. This should be a no-brainer. It's bout to be friggin summer. What are you doing not wearing white? Preferably more than one pair: a low top sneaker and a high top one, as well as a loafer. Pass on the lace-up hard bottoms though.
Chancletas: Yes, I know you wallet-chain wearers are cringing about the thought of what your hero Cam'ron "Get a shot of my [kiddie] pool in the back" Giles would say about you wearing sandals or flip-flops but let's be real, when the heat really kicks in, we all need to let our toes breathe. Let Cam wear his Timbs to the beach. Besides, what's less gangsta, sandals or facials?
Don't forget to exfoliate Jimmy!
That's it. As far as me, I'm doing the same I've always done. More sneakers u think are ugly today but will be asking me about in a couple months, tee shirts you don't understand, thrift store dress shirts, fresh fitteds, and japanese selvage denim.
P.S. ya boy's bday is coming up. I'm thinking about a week-long celebration here in Philly. Start a grease fire in the city, "ya dig?" [said like Weezy]. That reminds me, I gotta wax philosophical about The Carter 3 soon. Another post. Another day.
Call Me... "the trapeze artist"
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