Philthy Philly

There's something about living in the buttcrack of America (or at least dealing with those who live there). I think about my students. One of the worst things to say to someone during a bathroom break is to say that they're bout to "take a smash" (translation: "take or dump" or "have a bowel movement" as my mother would say). Doodoo (yes, i spelled it out like that). It stinks, but there's something funny about it. Farts. They stink, but you're lying if u can say u never farted and laughed or even laughed when somebody else farted. So my point (obscure as it may seem) is that life in the dumps has its moments of humor in the midst of all the misfortune and the stench of s-h-i-t (using it in the vernacular sense. forgive the obscenity).

Case in point, this saturday, while downtown, i stopped by a t-mobile store to pay my phone bill. i had to wait b/c every attendant was "attending," as they do, so i just hung out and waited. while i waited, a woman walked in and started looking at the display phones. she was a black woman dressed in full muslim garb. this is not odd in philly, where there is a very strong presence of african-americans who, even though they are slave descendants like me and (maybe--depending on who's reading this--) you, are also Orthodox Sunni Muslims and dress in the same style as the arabs we often profile as terrorists and suicide bombers.

So i'm hanging out waiting for a free attendant and this woman, in her burqa is walking around the store and touching phones and looking back and forth in the store. suddenly stands start beeping and everyone's looking around trying to figure what the annoying sound is. another black woman in a full burqa (with only eye-slits) walks in and seems to be asking the first black woman why she's taking so long and walks back out to her car. Not long after, the first woman walks out of the store too and into her friend's car on the curb and they drive off.

She left with one of the display phones. you know, those ones in the store that are charged and activated for full use but connected to the stand? well, she disconnected one of them. evidently she wanted to have free cell phone service for a month or two and figured a quick way to get it done was to just lift one straight from the store.

Only thing was, she took a fake one. yeah, u know the plastic ones that are sometimes next to the real ones in a cell phone store? yeah, she picked up the plastic one on accident. funny right?

My second story comes from last night. After waiting forever for the blue line at 40th and market, these two drunk men walked into the same car with me and a number of other ppl, but not without bumping recklessly into many of us and saying God knows what to us. problem was, 3 of the ppl who were bumped didn't take too kindly to the drunkards and began a heated shouting match with the 2 drunkards on the subway. The 3 in question looked to be 18-25, black, 2 guys, 1 girl, and were going at it with two very drunk older black man, one of whom was kinda muscular for a drunk. (I'm not sure what that means, but oh well.) This may not seem like a big deal, especially to those of u used to the urban life. But the sad part was when one of the younger guys from the group of 3 took off his jacket, ready to fight.

Turns out the 3 of them were part of a group that promoted non-violence in Philadelphia. The slogan on the front of their shirts: "Making a safer Philadelphia" with a "Stop the violence" slogan plastered on the back. Fitting, huh? Even more fitting was that the subway car was filled with old black women. Picture those old black women you see that spend everyday going to and from church. it was a picture of a lot of things all at once. A fart personified, perhaps. Funny for a moment, but all in all, the stench is repulsive.